Herb Moss

No, really, that's his name. You see, Herb Moss is just your average half-human, half-plant clone, just looking for love in the cold universe. I think the Space Babe in the background is Spring herself. She has just emerged from her Shower Pod clad in nothing save for her too-small towel. They use Space Water out there in space, so your hair doesn't get all wet and tangly. Herb looks a little horrified, which is a strange reaction if you're out looking for love in the cold depths of the universe, but maybe that's just how plant guys are.

It really looks like a cover from the fifties, but it was published in 2000. I only skimmed it, but it does not appear to be ironic, just an attempt to be breezy and cute.

It's Bad Author Photo Time

This one is easy. Jim Butcher is the crazy-popular author of the mega-successful Dresden Files books. I don't even read Sci-Fi and think they're pretty good. The author photo, however, is a different story. Maybe it's the My-Brain-Is-So-Giant-I-Have-To-Prop-Up-My-Head pose. Maybe it's the arched eyebrow that tells us that he's knows we're not as smart as him. But really, I think it's the hair. Long hair on any guy who isn't up on stage in a band at the very moment you see him or maybe Fabio (if he's still alive) looks kind of silly. Now that I think about it, forget Fabio. The flowing locks are what I like to call the Hola Babes look. "All I have to do," the long locked fellow thinks, "is shake my head like this and the ladies are gonna flock to me."

Are we that gullible? Yes. Yes we are.

About 30 years ago, David Bowie put out an album called Lodger. Pretty good album, some good songs on it. One song got on the radio that I didn't think much of and stayed on the radio far longer than it deserved. It was called "DJ," and had lines like

I am a D.J.,

I am what I play

I got believers believing me

Like so much of Bowie, it sounds way better than it reads. In any event, by sucking up to the people who put the music over the air, he got a lot more mileage off his album. That, I believe, was what was going on with The Dewey Decimal System of Love, by Josephine Carr. In our case, it totally worked. We bought the Large Print edition when it came out and kept it on the shelf year after year, even as it did not circulate. But then I came along with my belief that books have to earn their keep in order to stay on the shelves, so The Dewey Decimal System of Love goes the way of actual card catalogs and quiet in the library.

Old Gimmick Hits New Trash Can

I just unburdened our shelves of this little gem. It was for all of us know-it-alls who second guess their way through mystery novels, trying to stay a step ahead of the hero. I guess they had an actual award. That's certainly one way to boost sales. The best part for me was that you had to send a buck fifty in with your solution as an "entry fee." So after the first 6667 suckers contestants sent in their fees, it was all gravy.

The contest ended in 1991, so don't get excited. This happened during the dark, pre-Internet age, so my searches for the winner turned up nothing.